What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet

Is there period of time, that you feel cuts on your heart, a new line formed, again and again and again. All the scars resurfacing.

Your mind and thoughts and emotions going into turmoil, and it doesn’t seem like a happy day would come. You just keep crying and crying, and you don’t know why cause you know you are stronger then that.

The feeling of being dismay and depress comes after.

And you don’t know what to do anymore. Stoning away..

Life goes on, and there are people whose mountains of worries and problems piling up higher then yours.

No one would ever understand me, not even him.

Depending on others makes me feel even weaker. But this world do not allow room for weaklings.

*

We wouldn’t last long if nothing changes. Sooner or later.

What’s a family? With a mother who wished she never bore you, a brother who thinks you do not deserve anything?

You call them a family who blames you all the time when she flares up, who gives no regards to their words with that poisonous mouths of theirs? Why do they never realize it’s their actions and mouth are the reasons why she turns away from them?

It hurts, and every fking incident repeats itself in her mind. And no one ever know how much tears and pain flow through her heart, even if she couldn’t bear it but showing it in front of them.

*

When I was young, I used to thought you can always have things your ways. It’s all about the actions and choices you make and you can easily turn a situation around, with bonuses like having it benefiting you.

But as you grow older, you found that nothing is ever within your control. When it happens it happens, you have to accept it and suck thumb no matter how baddd it makes you feel.

Don’t you just wish you could rewind back in time, i think every one do.

People you loved, people who changed, people who had walked out of your life. Times of regret, reminiscing memories, happy moments, things that you miss so much. Moments that you just didn’t know what you want yet, moments where there were opportunities or chances you could have taken, a decision to be made, situations in which you should have continue hanging on or letting go, it could have changed what it is now.

Then the irony comes; where the past is the past, when the fact strikes you – you cannot change anything that happened no more.

Where the phrase – how i wish – comes into your head. People chose their pathway to walk. What do you do when you want to try changing something; be it at that point of time or presently; but you just don’t know how to? Trying to look for alternatives, but to no avail.

Because you are afraid of what might happen, because you are afraid of the hurt it might bring, of the future it might bring. Because you knew already, you know whats coming.

I am afraid i am still dwelling in my past a tit tat too much.

Emotions, what a deadly weapon.

Life still have to go on.

I miss you.

My dearest, Father, Mum, Sister, You make me want to leave this home.

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Friend, You make me want to leave this clique.

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Work, You make me wonder if i am capable to keep up with standards and challenges.

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Life, You make me wonder if i could ever strive for the worth of my life in this world.

6397) I might have hurt you, but you broke my heart too. You were my best friend. But as time went on, it felt like you didn’t care about me or how I was feeling, you just needed me there to “make you feel better about yourself.” And I reacted, and now I feel the tension and the separation. You’re making new friends, so I’m going to do the same. I miss you, too. I don’t hate you.

-theblogforyou

Helpless.

Fk, what am i suppose to do.

You want me to head home early and face the 4 walls, television and computer?

Have a chat with you? When you could just drop on the bed and fall asleep in a minute?

We couldn’t even have a proper talk for 5 mins without quarrelling. You don’t listen. I know its my fault that plays apart in your anger.

But i really can’t do what you say. If you want to pack my stuff and make me leave, then i guess so be it?

I am obviously saying all this on impluse, but i  was never used to your sudden approach of controlling my freedom.

I could have just promise you what you want me to do, but i know i am not capable of doing so. I don’t want to break promises like how you always do, cause i know how it feels.

Insomnia, sleep no long come easy any more.

*

I hate heartaches.

Too many failures.

I need serious expectation management and life management.

*

I tumble my feelings because  can’t express them aloud.

*

I still feel make used of. I still feel that I am only needed when you need. I used to have doubts in myself that whatever happened between us was because of my actions that i didn’t realise i was hurting you too, that i was doing whatever you complained to me. I still have that tit tat of doubt, but i realise most of it happened because you hurt me too.

It sucks we’re strangers now.. we used to be so close. I try and try to make things work between us, but I guess I should just give up.

*

My friend once told me, no matter how painful or heart broken you feel, life still have to go on.

I couldn’t get the true meaning of it, cause I guess thats how people work? They wouldn’t fully understand what is that true value behind things until they went through it.

Now i know.

You could feel that pain, the helplessness from a situation, but as you are feeling it, you still have to get on with your life. Be it studying, having your fun with your friends.

*

You go out, you have fun, you club, you had your ecstasy. Then at the end of the day, you realize another day just passed by, you did not achieve anything in your life.

Sour heart.

Its time to let go? I don’t know. Just leave things as it is for now.

I would be glad to give more, but it always go in such recurring cycle.

I don’t know whats wrong, communication perharps? And it pisses me off that i don’t know whats wrong.

You have new heart to heart friends now, just be happy (:

Cause i am pushed to walk out real soon if nothing changes. Things like those special moments, are never gonna happen anymore.

Or perharps, i am just being over sensitive.

*

“No one can know truly how i feel because i can no longer differentiate between what is fake and what is real i don’t know how i feel.”

- Andrew Jackson Jihad (via thingsgohazy)

*

6160) We’re drifting apart. I don’t even know who you are anymore. So much of a best friend I am; you never tell me anything anymore, you say two words to me a day, you never ask to hang out anymore. That’s what’s my problem. I think if I just disappeared from your life forever, you wouldn’t even notice.

-http://theblogforyou.tumblr.com/

Although situations may differ, but i think many feel such way don’t they? Be it best friends or lovers.

Every one gets insecure, and they need assurance once in a while. Be that good friend/lover. Be that person who cherishes, assures, values and appreciates.

*

Bitch, i love kissing a lot too! HAHA.

I want a love like this too, where you could fall into the arms of your lover, and feel all protected. Missed such feelings, such bliss. (:

Listen. Be a good listener. For every one needs one. And i am glad i have many. And i want to be one myself.

*

I am glad i came so far still single. I only had that one after you.

XL says what Eugene says would come true soon. Ha, its like i want it, but i don’t. If it comes, it comes i guess.

Too many heartaches going around, i don’t know if i want to face one too.

*

Boon! I miss you, i know how much you want to be back from Korea, yes i wish so too! Its different without you this Dai lang around.